I'm a Little More Than Useless!

Lately I've been feeling pretty useless as I lay around the house recuperating. I see a million little things to do or that need doing, but playing Minecraft and watching TV are about all I can do these days. Tack on a bad case of the "my anti-depressants aren't working as fast as I'd like them to" and I find myself sitting up at three in the morning, a tissue in hand, curled on the couch and listening to the cat crunch its dry food as I think about how pitiful I am. About how many days have already gone by. About times in the past that were very similar to this very moment. About things I want to do now but must wait to come.
So I started praying and just let the tears come softly. I can't completely put into words what I'm feeling but I know God understands exactly what I'm trying to communicate--even if I can't. My depressed thoughts wandered down self-pity lane, I stopped to wallow in my lack of creative writing inspirations, which caused me to drift along past projects and ideas that had never fully taken shape or space on paper. I remembered an old list I'd made of ideas and things that had sparked ideas. I remembered writing a Relient K song down on that list. I remembered the song, and I began crying again, this time because the words touched me where my heart needed the encouragement.

I've forgotten that I'm more than useless.

"More Than Useless"

I feel like, I would like
To be somewhere else doing something that matters
And I'll admit here, while I sit here
My mind wastes away and my doubts start to gather

Whats the purpose? It feels worthless
So unwanted like I've lost all my value
I can't find it, not in the least bit
and I'm just scared, so scared that I'll fail you

And sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all
And sometimes I wonder why, why I'm even here at all
But then you assure me

I'm a little more than useless
And when I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once

So I say if I can't, do something significant
I'll opt to leave most opportunities wasted
And nothing trivial, that life could give me will
Measure up to what might have replaced it

Too late look, my date book
Is packed full of days that were empty and now gone
And I bet, that regret
Will prove to get me to improve in the long run

And sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all
And sometimes I wonder why, why I'm even here at all
But then you assure me

I'm a little more than useless
And when I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once

I’m a little more than useless
And I never knew I knew this
Was gonna the day, gonna be the day
That I would do something right
Do something right for once

I notice, I know this
Week is a symbol of how I use my time
Resent it, I spent it
Convincing myself the world's doing just fine
Without me
Doing anything of any consequence
Without me
Showing any sign of ever making sense
Of my time , it's my life
And my right, to use it like I should
Like he would, for the good
Of everything that I would ever know

I'm a little more than useless
When I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once

I’m a little more than useless
And I never knew I knew this
Was gonna the day, gonna be the day
That I would do something right
Do something right for once 
----------------------------------------------


Thanks, Relient K!

Unfortunate Hold

Life throws curve balls into your plans. I am a Weak Thing right now, struggling to keep working at my job but thinking that I've reached the breaking point. This throws a bit of a wrench into our plans and may even result in a move. All my crochet ideas, my poncho design, have to wait for now -- between missing work, shifting medications, and feeling all around terrible, there's no time or budget for yarn shopping :(

It's disappointing. It's depressing. And most of all, it's stressful. I know it will all work out, that it will all be OK, but I feel helpless and at the mercy of my own body. Sure, it's easy to promote my Weak Things verse when I'm feeling good; but at times like these, I'll be honest, it's hard to keep that mentality going. I don't want to be weak, sickly, and anxious. I want to feel good, to feel normal. 

Whatever happens, whatever comes, it will be hard and it will try my faith, as it does every time. But I know I will come through.

It just may take more time than I wish.

Charitable Crocheting

There are several charities out there that can use crocheted/knitted/sewed items. Heck, you don't even have to sew! Several of them also need items that are purchased. If you have extra yarn laying around or want to specifically purchase some for these projects, here are some wonderful ideas! 

Newborns In Need, Inc. -- "Newborns in Need is headquartered in Pfafftown, North Carolina and is dedicated to making a baby’s introduction into the world one complete with basic necessities and as stress free as possible for the family." (from their "About" page) This is a wonderful site if you're interested in donating preemie/newborn items. The website has several patterns available for you to download, but as long as it meets specifications, any infant pattern will do. They also accept handmade bereavement outfits for the little ones that unfortunately don't make it. Here are some great patterns: 

• Preemie Angel Shell Sweater
• BB's Preemie BBib
• On the Wings of a Butterfly Baby Cocoon
• Cuddles Crocheted Gown
• Long Kimono Gown with Cap
• Angel Wrap

Operation Gratitude -- "Operation Gratitude annually sends 100,000 care packages filled with snacks, entertainment items and personal letters of appreciation addressed to individually named U.S. Service Members deployed in hostile regions. Our mission is to lift morale, bring a smile to a service member’s face and express to our Armed Forces the appreciation and support of the American people." (from their "About" page) Scarves, hats,neck gaiters and yes, even your old Beanie Babies! Scroll down to where it says 4. Craft Projects and the first paragraph is for knit/crochet scarves, including patterns and important specifications. You can also check out the blog for more detailed information.

There are, of course, many many more out there. But these two should keep you busy for a while :)

If you would like to include one that you know of, please feel free to put the link in a comment below!

Celebrating 1 Year!

May 28 was our one year wedding anniversary! We celebrated by going to see the Phantom of the Opera and dressing up. It was a wonderful show! But even more wonderful is the fact that we are even deeper in love with each other now than we were a year ago when we said "I Do." I didn't think it was possible to fall deeper in love with my husband, but it was, and I can't wait to see how much deeper the love grows as the years progress!

To My Love: 

"I made the choice to wait for you,

You made the same decision too, 

And I know we'll be happy. 

We had so many chances to throw it all away,

But we both stayed strong and God brought our lives together that one day.

Now I kneel and pray and I thank God that you are safe.

You were worth the wait."